Sunday, October 16, 2011

Sunday Citar

It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes.  ~Sally Field
My daughter has a birthmark on her face.

Most of you already know that.

I don't really tend to talk about it much.  Mostly because I completely forget it is there.  I typically am reminded that it is there when people ask about what we are planning on doing about it or I see a little girl or boy walk up to Lily and ask her what is on her face.  Lily responds to the inquiries by stating it's a chocolate birthmark.  The kid usually looks at her and says ok and they go about their business.  I asked Lily if it bothers her when people ask about it and she just tells me that it's just annoying.  (Got to love she even knows what the word annoying is....10yr old older brothers...gotta love them)  I explained to her that the person asking probably doesn't know what birthmarks are and were just curious. 

I can understand everyone's curiosity but, adults pushing their ideas that we should "do" something about her face...not so much.  It is actually really RUDE.  I don't mind people asking questions, what bothers me is when people tell me that I have to fix it.  WHY?  Does it bother you that much? 

Don't get me wrong.  As her parents, her father & I are concerned about her self esteem as she gets older.  There is hair on her birthmark and we am waiting for that 1st kid to make fun of the hair on her face.  I know it is inevitable, kids can be cruel and mean. 

Over the last 4yrs we have taken Lily to see 2 dermatologists and a few weeks ago we took Lily to see a plastic surgeon.  Jeff & I just wanted to see what he had to say and our options.  Turns out that we can not have the hair removed or the mark lighten it at all.  We would have to have the whole birthmark removed, which would mean they would surgically remove the top layer of skin and the layer underneath it where the hair follicles are.  Long story short, she would have 2 surgeries and we would be trading a birthmark for a scar.  Not a huge scar & it would be in the natural contour of her smile, but a scar non the less.  Right now the surgery is not right for Lily, she has expressed that she likes her birthmark and does NOT want it gone.  As for the hair, we were told we can shave it.  She does NOT want to shave the hair either.  Personally I would like her to let us shave it, but we are respecting her feelings.

She is happy just the way she is.
And so are we.  :)


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10 Sweet Comments:

BZ Boutique Creations said...

Your daughter is adorable...birthmarks and all! I stumbled onto your blog via your Facebook page....love your stuff!

Feel free to follow my blog as well...bzboutiquecreations.blogspot.com

Heather said...

We are all unique and better off for it, the fact that your daughter knows this and is happy as she is shows she has a healthy sense of self and that is down to you and your family. She is a credit to you and is absolutely beautiful.

vivian said...

she is adorable and people are rude sometimes. I know how you feel though. mY son had an accident with a screw driver when he was in kindergarten and is blind in one eye, and it has always been different from the other as it is covered with a scar. He has always handled people questions really well and sometimes, especially as a young teen would give some pretty bizarre answers, "oh I got caught in a drive by and got popped in the eye.." I'm proud that he always could handle it and never felt bad about it and if he did, he never ever mentioned it. anyways.. I think your daughter will tell you when shes ready to do anything with it, if ever!
have a great week!
xo
vivian

Jingle said...

That birthmark is such a part of that beautiful little girl! She seems (from what I see on your blog) to be confidant and strong. She smiles huge and never hides her face from your camera lens. She is an absolutely gorgeous little thing and I am so glad that you are talking to her about it and allowing her to consider options, but decide what she likes best. Personally, I can't imagine her pretty little face without it! It's a part of that fabulous smile! :-)

Finding Charm said...

My sister has a similar birthmark, but on her stomach. We've been told to keep an eye on it since she was born. Hers is one that may need to be removed. She's in her 30s now and still has it. Hers is actually much darker than Lily's. She got comments on it from time to time during the summer. But she was actually pretty self conscious of it and keeps it covered at all times. She is a performer and has to work around it and covers it if she has to wear a costume to cover it up. I think all the questions got to her and the personality plays into it as well.

I love that Lily is included in the discussion. My parents at the time left it up to my sister unless it started to turn then they'd step in. Knowing your options is good so you can react appropriately if and when she changes her mind. Lily is darling and I think she knows it sporting her tutus and mommy's princess jewelry :)

Wendy Irene said...

she is such a beautiful girl and you are such a great Mom for not listening to other people and just listening to her. We should all do that!

pollydove said...

I agree with all of these comments and your post about what you plan on doing about it ... leaving it up to her! She really is SUCH a darling little girl! She'll let you know when and if she wants to change it and then you can look at the options!

blueviolet said...

I think it's beautiful that you're respecting her wishes. I'm glad that she likes it. It makes her unique and special and perfectly Lily! I suspect that as she gets older, she'll allow you to shave it...maybe when she's also begging you to shave her legs and underarms. Remember how much we had to beg our moms to let us do that?

Ammie said...

Her self-confidence is infectious, and she's so cute. I find bossy strangers incredibly frustrating, and in many cases rude. Good for you for respecting Lily's wishes.

Heather/Life With The Stevens said...

What a beautiful girl!
i couldn't help but comment-I too have a "chocolate" birthmark, but it is on my forehead. I don't ever remember a time where it bothered me, except when I was little and kids would ask what it was (some were not so nice) I love my birthmark, it makes me even more unique :D
I don't know if it will be the case for your sweet girl, but my birthmark just naturally got smaller as I got older. It's still very much here, but not as large or as dark. Not that it would matter, it's just a part of me :D

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